The Face in the Mirror

Recently I met a woman who has been undergoing oral treatment for Thyroid Cancer.  We discussed some of the negative side effects associated with drugs meant to keep you alive.  It was nice to talk to someone who actually understands what if feels like to look in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back.

I remember very clearly the day I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognize the face staring back at me.    Everyone has an idea of who they are on the outside and when that image doesn't match what you're seeing it's quite unnerving.  The drugs I was taking to keep me alive were wreaking havoc on my body.  I had dark side burns, not a good look on a woman, chin whiskers, and about 20 extra pounds.  The hairs could be waxed and the weight could be lost but my self-esteem was damaged; I didn't know who I was anymore.  Rather than take steps to alleviate the problem, i.e. exercise and diet, I made excuses..."At least I'm alive" or "It's hopeless because of the prednisone."  I continued to make these excuses for the next several years.  People say it takes a village to raise a child, well, I think it takes a group of awesome girlfriends to raise your self-confidence and help you love yourself again.

Although I didn't necessarily enjoy living in the state of Kentucky, I'm so thankful we ended up there because I met the best friends I could hope for.  We all came into our friendship with our own various body issues...big booty, chunky thighs, pudgy belly...you name it we bashed it!  We decided we'd do something about our bodies and began working out at least three days a week.  We would walk, jog, zumba, lift weights, or interval train.  It's amazing how much fun exercise can be when you're working out with friends.  As many of you know I'm a pretty positive person and this attitude transfered to our workouts. I made a rule that we all had to say something positive about our bodies during our sessions.  It started as something quite simple but the affect on my psyche was drastic.  The two versions of myself began to mesh.  I began to focus on what was awesome about me and focus less on what needed improvement.  Thanks to my friends I started to feel like the person I knew I was.

Enjoying the beautiful Oregon sites on another hike

I still have chin whiskers which require waxing; I still have a pudgy belly and the DeWitt butt and thighs but these days I exercise because it makes me feel good.  I don't worry about the number on a scale because it doesn't dictate how I feel about myself.  I don't compare myself to images on the t.v. or in a magazine because they aren't me.  I'm 5 ft. tall and take three immunosuppresent drugs including prednisone...a supermodel I am not.  I want to set a good example for Avery and be a hot sexy momma for my hubby!  These days the outside matches the inside and I love and recognize the face in the mirror.  I'm one hot momma!